I Was Either Going to Lose Myself or Find Myself
I Was Either Going to Lose Myself or Find Myself
A deeply personal reflection on grief, anger, depression, and the ongoing choice to POUR back into yourself in order to find purpose, healing, and the gifts left behind by those you’ve lost.
A deeply personal reflection on grief, anger, depression, and the ongoing choice to POUR back into yourself in order to find purpose, healing, and the gifts left behind by those you’ve lost.
April 24th, 2026
April 24th, 2026
In the past nine months, I lost both my mother and my brother. These weren’t just losses; they were earthquakes. I felt the ground beneath me crumble, and with it, a part of myself.
I won’t sugarcoat it. I spiraled into a dark place. Depression was not an abstract concept; it was my daily companion. I stood at a defining crossroads. I could lose myself entirely, or I could fight to find what was left.
That is when the POUR lifestyle came into play. Protect, observe, unlock, and reignite. It was not a magic fix. It was a commitment, one I had to make daily, even when everything felt heavy.
When I lost my mom, the hardest part was that I was just beginning to know her. I realized that holding onto anger about the past and misunderstandings robbed me of what could have been empowering moments. Anger had become a wall, and I had to sit with the reality that anger can keep us lost.
Protecting myself meant creating boundaries. Observing my thoughts meant facing grief honestly. Unlocking meant discovering the truths hidden beneath, including both my pain and the gifts left behind. Reigniting was the hardest part, but it was possible.
Losing my brother taught me something profound. In grief, there are gifts. Not because loss is fair, but because love leaves an imprint. He left me lessons that I could not see until I stopped letting anger and despair get in my way.
As I unlocked those gifts, I found parts of myself I had forgotten. I found strength, compassion, and purpose. In that discovery, I reignited a reason to keep going.
Living the POUR lifestyle is not a single revelation. It is a continuous practice. Every day, I choose to invest in myself. This is how I honor them, and it is how I refuse to stay lost.
If you are in that spiral, I want you to know that you are not alone. You have something left inside. It may feel hidden now, but it is there.
You have to keep pouring into yourself. Protect what matters. Observe where you are. Unlock what is next. Reignite when you are ready. Keep going, because there is more in you than you know.
In the past nine months, I lost both my mother and my brother. These weren’t just losses; they were earthquakes. I felt the ground beneath me crumble, and with it, a part of myself.
I won’t sugarcoat it. I spiraled into a dark place. Depression was not an abstract concept; it was my daily companion. I stood at a defining crossroads. I could lose myself entirely, or I could fight to find what was left.
That is when the POUR lifestyle came into play. Protect, observe, unlock, and reignite. It was not a magic fix. It was a commitment, one I had to make daily, even when everything felt heavy.
When I lost my mom, the hardest part was that I was just beginning to know her. I realized that holding onto anger about the past and misunderstandings robbed me of what could have been empowering moments. Anger had become a wall, and I had to sit with the reality that anger can keep us lost.
Protecting myself meant creating boundaries. Observing my thoughts meant facing grief honestly. Unlocking meant discovering the truths hidden beneath, including both my pain and the gifts left behind. Reigniting was the hardest part, but it was possible.
Losing my brother taught me something profound. In grief, there are gifts. Not because loss is fair, but because love leaves an imprint. He left me lessons that I could not see until I stopped letting anger and despair get in my way.
As I unlocked those gifts, I found parts of myself I had forgotten. I found strength, compassion, and purpose. In that discovery, I reignited a reason to keep going.
Living the POUR lifestyle is not a single revelation. It is a continuous practice. Every day, I choose to invest in myself. This is how I honor them, and it is how I refuse to stay lost.
If you are in that spiral, I want you to know that you are not alone. You have something left inside. It may feel hidden now, but it is there.
You have to keep pouring into yourself. Protect what matters. Observe where you are. Unlock what is next. Reignite when you are ready. Keep going, because there is more in you than you know.
Tamar Jackson, Founder 80Grit Consulting
Tamar Jackson, Founder 80Grit Consulting
POUR
The Self-Nourishment Blueprint
Are you pouring into others while running on empty? In a fast-paced world that constantly demands our energy, it’s easy to feel drained, disconnected, and overwhelmed. POUR: The Self-Nourishment Blueprint is your guide to reclaiming your energy, realigning with your purpose, and fostering meaningful relationships.
